This is a question I hear parents ask all the time. Childcare is an added expense most families would like to keep in check. I always tell parents that they should imagine their worst nightmare happening while their children are in charge. It may sound like a farfetched scare tactic, but consider the true story below which occurred on August 13, 2009 in Plano, Texas.

It’s a Thursday summer morning. School is out and a 13-year-old girl is left at home with her 6-year-old sister while their Dad’s at work. Then, two intruders kick in the door to the Plano home. And that’s when 9-1-1 gets a call from the older girl. She had taken a phone and hid in the bathroom with her sister. Plano Police spokesman Officer Rick McDonald says the girls should be credited with helping police apprehend the suspects. During the eight-minute call, police officers arrived at the home and the two intruders took off running. Officers caught up to both. 22 year old Brandon Strait of Dallas and 19 year old Kevrin Nealond of Garland were taken to a Plano jail, accused of burglary. The girl spoke barely above a whisper on the 9-1-1 call. She can be heard asking police, “Please, can you hurry?” The recording is too difficult to understand on the air. but we’ve posted it here with this story, if you’d like to listen. (www.wbap.com ) It all happened at 9:30 a.m. Thursday in the 800 block of Ridgefield Drive in Plano. Officer McDonald says the girl who called 9-1-1 “kept her composure and gave 911 operators the right information” “They did a fantastic job.” (Copyright 2009 WBAP 24/7 News. All rights Reserved) by Bob Morrison

I actually listened to the 9-1-1 call in its entirety and I can only imagine the terror that little 13 year old girl felt as she hid in the bathroom while her home was being robbed. It was so frightening to listen as she pleads with the police to “Please, hurry!” Bless her heart that she had the presence of mind to grab a phone, take her little sister into the bathroom, and lock the door before calling the police. I’m also familiar with this upscale neighborhood and one would like to think “It couldn’t happen here!” Not so. It could and does happen all over the country.

As an adult who’s had someone break in to my home while I was alone, I can tell you the fear you experience is overwhelming. Your brain starts to shut down in shock, your heart races, and you may be so frightened that your voice won’t even work. Fortunately for this family, their little girl did the right thing and she and her sister were unharmed. It might not have turned out so well. I shudder to think if what could have happened.

There are a couple of questions to help you think through your decision to leave children in their own care or caring for others.

1.      Would you want your child to be faced with a similar situation as the above or worse?

2.      Could you be sure that your child would be able to handle any emergency situation as well as an adult? Think about a break-in, a tornado or severe storm, a fire, a life-threatening injury, a broken bone, etc.

3.      Is there any situation you could leave your children in that would be more preferable?

4.      How much is your child’s safety worth?

The last question may seem harsh, but most parents don’t flinch at buying a top of the line car seat or stroller. It’s a matter of safety. How many of us have juggled a car seat onto an airplane? It’s a matter of safety. Think about this, many parents won’t let their 13 year old daughter go to the mall unattended. Why then would we think a 13 year old would be able to care for other’s children? When I was 13, I babysat all the time. As a grown woman, I now look back at that time in my life and realize that I wasn’t responsible enough to care for a child properly. I don’t believe I could’ve handled an emergency in an appropriate manner.

In this tough time parents understandably have to make financial decisions which impact their families. Before you decide to let the nanny go, consider if there are other ways to stretch your dollar. Can you afford to eat out less, shop at less expensive stores, give up the gym, take a vacation closer to home etc.? Every consideration should be examined before compromising on your child’s safety.

Posted on August 14th, 2009 by MerrilanK
Filed under: Childcare | No Comments »

The Four “C”s: Names Changed to Protect the Innocent

The phone rings at Choose The Right Nanny. Before I can finish my verbal greeting, the caller begins by shouting “GET ME OUTA HERE!” into the receiver. Knocking over my bottled water and losing the paperwork on my desk onto the ground, I frantically try to adjust the volume in my headset. As I attempt to recover from the internal brain reverberation, grabbing and protecting my keyboard from the spilled water, I respond “Calm down, take a deep breath, and let’s start at the beginning. May I ask who is calling?”

After a brief pause, the caller identifies herself as Bailey, and I immediately know who she is. Bailey’s a live-in nanny whom I’ve just recently placed in Sarasota, Florida. Home is a long way away in rural Ohio. Bailey comes from a large, hardworking family and has lived on a farm most of her life. She’s the oldest of 8 children and no stranger to living away from home, having attended college in North Carolina.  I’ve spoken to Bailey a number of times, but what she doesn’t understand at this particular moment, is that although I speak with several nannies in a day, somehow, I can’t remember the sound of their voices, especially when they are under duress.

“What seems to be the problem Bailey?” I can tell by the way she’s breathing she’s close to (if not already) crying. I’m a very sensitive person, so my heart strings are already beginning to play.  It’s a given in my mind, that she’s in very unfamiliar territory. I know she was briefed extensively regarding her job responsibilities and the new family she’d be working for, prior to her arrival in Florida. The family consists of two working parents, a five year old “precocious” child and a 2 year old. I get out my pen and notepad to write a list of Bailey’s concerns. As her list grew, I had thoughts of hiring a violinist.

“I’m afraid I’ve bitten off more than I can chew! What was I thinking when I accepted this job?! I arrived on Monday, and Tuesday we left for a Disneyland. I don’t think I can handle two very unmanageable children for 12 hours a day! The mom just lets them get away with all their bad behavior and I’m not used to that. Maybe I should have asked to be placed with a family who has older children. I can handle a difficult child, but two is much harder! Actually, I think I could handle it, but the real question is, do I want to? Do you have any other families I could interview with?”

Okay, please don’t think I’m insensitive to the nanny’s dilemma. We all acknowledge there are a few rare families who are difficult to work for. With my years of experience and our screening process, it’s unusual for one of these families to slip under the radar undetected prior to placing a care provider with them. Sometime (although again rare) families represent their job parameters in the best possible light, but in reality the position isn’t quite what they promised. In most situations the discrepancies can be worked out through good communication and support. In cases where the hiring family has been outright deceptive or even abusive, I will go to the mat for one of my care providers.

I’m not sure this is the case with the above nanny. How could I be? Bailey’s only been with the family 3 days and they’re not in their normal environment. I’m not so sure it was a good idea for the family to schedule this type of activity right away, though they probably thought it would be a good way for the nanny to get to know the family in a “fun” setting. It’s challenging enough for a nanny to “bond” with a new family and their children when in the home environment, let alone on a family vacation.

Children are pretty smart little characters.  I’m not fond of equating children’s behavior to the terms “bad” “manipulative” “unmanageable”, and “strong willed” etc. Children’s behavior is usually “reactive” to the adult stimuli. When nanny “B” is replacing nanny “A”, most children are not going to be the precious angels we all know they can be.

They may act out and test all the boundaries for many reasons, some of which are:

1.    They need find out how the new nanny thinks and reacts.

2.    They may need boundaries.

3.    They may be angry or sad their old nanny is leaving them.

4.    They may have experienced several nannies and they don’t trust one will stay.

5.    They may need attention.

6.    They may need additional mental stimulation.

7.    They may need physical activity.

8.    There may be a medical issue.

9.    There may be a physical issue.

10.  They may have social problems.

I allowed Bailey vent all her frustrations and concerns. It was clear to me that she wanted to “jump ship” and either go back home or to find a different nanny job. After listening I reassured her that most live-in nannies go through an adjustment period with the family. It’s almost like the marriage of two people, on a family sized scale. You have to find where you fit it, what you’re capable of, what you can and can’t tolerate, and most of all how you can manage to make the relationship work.  It takes commitment, communication, compromise, & creativity.

The Four “C”s

Commitment

Choose The Right Nanny places live-in nannies on the condition that the nanny commits to working for the period of one year at a minimum. In turn, the hiring family commits to provide transportation to and from the location, an agreed upon salary and benefits, and a safe, wholesome working environment.

Communication

This is an essential element in all placements. There will always be situations which arise and cause some complications or concerns. Both parties need to communicate in a respectful manner to address the issues. Schedules, responsibilities, discipline, & rules, are all things which should be discussed on a frequent basis.

Compromise

Learn to negotiate appropriately. Families and nannies should “pick their battles”. If you have a terrific family, who treats you with respect and almost like family, you should try to be a “team player” and help out where needed. Be flexible with your time, but wisely. Bring the issues you can’t resolve yourself to a family meeting. Be honest, be positive, be teachable, and be respectful.  If you are a family who has a terrific nanny but she doesn’t keep her own room clean, you need to decide which is more important. Work it out folks!

Creativity

Many problems can be solved with a bit of ingenuity. Start by making a list of things that bother you. Sort the things in to two categories: Negotiable and Non-Negotiable. Come up with solutions that would lesson or alleviate the issues. Think: “What could I do to make the situation more bearable?” For behavioral problems buy a poster board and ask the children to help you make a list of rules and consequences. Help them to see the natural consequences of their decisions. Kids actually like to be a part of the process. Clear everything with the parents. Post the rules list in a prominent place. Let the kids decorate it with stickers, paints, markers, pictures, anything they want. When a rule is broken, take the child to the poster and remind them of the consequence. Be consistent. Be positive. Recognize and Reward good behavior. Be interactive. Find things the children like to do and become a facilitator. Once they realize your benefit to them, they will learn to respect you.

Very few jobs are perfect. Remember why wanted to become a nanny. For most it was because you loved children. You wanted to make a difference in children’s lives. You wanted to be a valuable part of a family who needed you. You wanted to see a different lifestyle or culture. Every family has its issues. Think back to your own family. Was your family perfect? When we commit to living with and working full time for a family, we are becoming a part of that family. We are a support figure to the parents.

I don’t think Bailey liked what I had to say. Perhaps she was seeking an easy solution. “Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that.” — Nicholas Sparks (Message in a Bottle).

I reminded Bailey of her commitment to stay for 1 year and that the family had “invested” in her (travel arrangements, a professional placement fee, room remodeling, car expenses etc.) after a series of interviews and communiqués.  While the children may be acting inappropriately for a time, she needs to work toward an amicable solution with the assistance of the parents. I could not in good conscience, place her with another family (whom she might also find fault with) unless she had give her very best effort to work things out with her current employer. With only 3 days under her belt, I doubted very seriously she had done so.

Bailey isn’t unusual. As I said above, I get calls from nannies and sometime families who have concerns.  Most are seeking support, advice, and reassurance. I really appreciate the values that each party brings to the relationship and I love helping them sort through their trials. Sometimes just having a listening ear allows them to share their thoughts and they come up with their own solutions. I’m always happy to coach or help out a family. Please don’t hesitate to call me!

Posted on July 16th, 2009 by ctrnanny
Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Today’s economic budget crunch has everyone scrambling to save where ever we can. It’s not just the Big Car Companies, or the wall street corporations.  Families across the nation are  tightening their belts, doing with less, and scrimping and saving when they can.  When families hire a nanny, a housekeeper, a chef, or any other household worker, they may make the assumption that they can pay “off the books” or in other words, not pay taxes on the employee’s wages. Some even approach this scenario like they are doing the employee a huge favor. After all, the employee will get to keep more of  their hard earned wages, right? Another thought is that “everyone is doing it”, assuming that very few people pay employment taxes on their household employees. Who ever gets caught? Unfortunately for many, the IRS does care. For those who are audited and found guilty of fraud or tax evasion, the penalties are huge and jail time is a real possibility.

As the owner of a reputable domestic employment agency, I often find myself in an uncomfortable situation when I hear comments from my clients such as ” I’m going to call my nanny an independent contractor”; ”I’m paying part of her salary ’off the books”;or “I will put my nanny on my company’s payroll and call her a personal assistant”.  None of these tactics are legal. I always advise my clients to speak with one of my trusted agency partners who are experts at minimizing their tax liability, informing them of tax credits and savings, and making their payroll and employee tax settlements painless. 

I can honestly say that I’m sympathetic to my client’s perceived dilema. Sometimes they voice that paying the taxes may make the difference between being able to hire help or not.  However the reality is as more household workers find themselves without a job, they’re applying for financial aid or unemployment assistance.  This action has triggered the state agencies and the IRS to investigate household employers on a far more frequent basis. The law almost always favors the employee and the household employer finds themselves involved in a huge mess. In the long run, it’s far more sensible to be compliant with the law from the beginning.

The good news is that there are tax savings available to those who “Choose The Right” and pay their employees legally. Many families find that by paying the taxes correctly,  they are able to take advantage of special incentives which may offset their tax liability. The only way you can be sure is to talk it over with a household employment specialist. It’s important to mention that this is NOT your normal CPA. Household employment is unique and many CPAs don’t understand the law as it applies.

 One of our trusted partners, Breedlove and Associates, just added a wonderful tool to their website. If you go to www.breedlove-online.com/payroll-calculator you can input your employee’s pay and calculate your tax liability, the employees gross verses net pay, as well as the tax savings you’ll realize by utilizing the tax benefits offered to clients who pay legally. If you wish, Tom or Stephanie Breedlove offer a no obligation consultation. They can show you how to make the most of your pre-tax dollars, limit your tax liability and discuss payroll options which really simplify your life.  After all, you’re busy enough!

Posted on June 23rd, 2009 by MerrilanK
Filed under: Taxes | No Comments »

School is out and summer is here. You may have not needed childcare help during the school year, but summers are a different story altogether. In today’s economy many families are opting out of expensive summer camps. A nanny can be a much more affordable option and just as much fun for your children!

What is a summer nanny? A summer nanny is typically a college student studying something child related, with a love of working with children. They may be studying early childhood education, psychology, art, or teaching. A summer nanny can be live-in or live-out depending on your needs.

Many families have a vacation home and they bring their summer nanny with them. The summer nanny will organize activities for the children, transporting them to and from events, play-dates, swimming, arts and crafts, and really any other child related activity you can imagine. Summer nannies have a lot of enthusiasm for working with children. Your children will get more one-on-one attention than they would at a traditional summer camp.

Some families want their children to be able to enjoy the comforts of home, during the summer, while the parents work. Summer nannies will be there to ensure your child has the most enjoyable summer possible.

Choose The Right Nanny, LLC has many highly qualified, prescreened nannies available to fit your family’s needs. Please feel free to visit our website at www.ctrnanny.com or call us at 800-856-6918, ext. 1 to find out more about our summer nannies.

Posted on June 15th, 2009 by ctrnanny
Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Welcome to Choose The Right Nanny Blog! We are excited to have you here and we look forward to getting to know you better!

Posted on June 5th, 2009 by ctrnanny
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